All About Me. In Cat Form.

And don't you forget it.

Hard Times Have Come a Knockin', My Friends

Facebook is the reason half of kids in college stay in college.

And Facebook is down.

I believe this would be called a tragedy. Yes, that is quite sufficient.

More Modern American Poetry

Today on Ray Makes Fun of Mainstream Hits:

Shop Boyz, "Party Like A Rockstar"

Let the bashing commence!

as soon as i came out the womb
my momma knew a star was born
now i'm on the golf course
trippin' wit da Osbournes

I swear to god, hip-hop used to mean something. It really was urban poetry, and some artists still uphold that standard. But the Shop Boyz aspire to golf with a family whose patriarch has single-handedly ingested more drugs than the rest of the human population. Nothing screams "street cred" quite like golf. Or the Osbournes. Or golfing wit da Osbournes. Me thinks the double whiteness cancels itself out.

i do it like i do it
cuz you know them hoes be tryin us
hoe don't you know i fuck wit fine dimes
that look like Pa-me-la
they fine and they hot breath
when i'm in the spot bruh......
I PARTY LIKE UH ROCKSTAR

To be totally honest, the sheer...nonsense of this nakes me want to kick a puppy. And I like puppies.

whoop, whoop
me and my band, man
on the yacht with Marilyn Manson
gettin a tan man

You know how I know they're name dropping for the sake of name-dropping? THEY'RE TANNING WITH MARILYN FREAKIN' MANSON.

and my personal favorite line...this might the greatest (i.e. worst) line in the history of hip-hop:

white bitches wanna marry me
they see me they just might panic
my ice make em go down quick
like the Titanic,

The first time I read that line, I chuckled a little. I read it again - and it dawned on me. That's the last rhyme. Not the last line of the song, not the last line on an album or an artist's career - the last line hip-hop can produce. It is perhaps the most ridiculous line I've heard in a song in at least forty-two years or so. The sheer absurdity of it...wow. That said, it shows more creativity than almost any of the songs that have hit #1 in the states. Sad.

To be honest, this is not the worst song of all-time - far from it. But this will still make most "worst-of" lists for the year, and with good reason. All I ask is that the American public puts a decent song at #1, if only for a week. C'mon, maybe The Killers can get some dap? Just one week, that's all!

God Hates Fags. And Shrimp.

Leviticus 11:12:

Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

We must stop Red Lobster, Long John Silver's, and all businesses that are so heartily promoting this sinful abomination. Yes, even Popeye's shall not be spared God's wrath.

More info.

Coming soon

The Ray Lockman Film Festival.

Be ready. One week of awesomestuff. Movies galore for a whole week.

Oh yes. Oh. Yes.

This can get good.

Coming this August to Hilliard, Ohio. Yes.

Films (possible and pending):
Fight Club
Big Fish
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
more to come....

Revelation

Tim Burton is God.

Johnny Depp is the Son.

And Danny Elfman is the Holy Spirit, unseen but very present.

How has this been hidden from me all these years? Quite apparent now that I think about it.

Random Shots (The New Vodka?)

I've figured out why I'm a music snob: my sister. She's one of those who plays her new favorite songs every time I'm around, y'know? And a lot of the time, it's not even a good song to begin with. That, and also because I'm an asshole.

When I'm building small forts out of Mountain Dew cans, I probably need to give it a rest. But I'm not going to.

In the beginning, the universe was created. This made many people angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.



Danny Tanner was a total queer. Duh.

Don't listen to Panic! At the Disco. They'll eat your children.

I play lead guitar in an air band.

To be honest, I'm a damned good driver. I'd be a lot better if it weren't for all those other damned cars.

Think about this for a minute: Pope Fabio.

Remember when Tom Arnold used to be important? Me neither.

I've done the "Cha Cha Slide" on a moving conveyor belt while on the clock, getting paid. Can you put that on your resumè?

You know what I'd like? A legitmate new friend request. Nothing personal, Artificial Intelligence in Texas, but I have no idea who the hell you guys are.

Once upon a time, The Real World portrayed real people. Then, the world was introduced to sex. And it changed television.

As seen on Myspace:

Confirm Add Friend

You cannot add yourself as a friend.

Damn.

fairly simple rule of thumb or pornography: If it turns you on, it's porn. That said, pictures of Rosie O'Donnell naked are simply in poor taste.

I can't remember this specifically, so if someone could help me out, that'd be great: Which level was it that Dante mentioned American Idol?