How to Write A Term Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto AIM, Yahoo! IM and/or MSN (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it and familiar with the material.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email, again.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place, turn off iTunes.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. Hey, it's that kid from camp when you were in the fourth grade! You haven't seen him forever. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Go to the bathroom You don't want to get distracted later on or anything.

12. and turn iTunes back on. Put on something that'll help you focus. Coldplay or Jack Johnson, maybe.

13. Check your email.

14. IM kid three seats over to see how he's doing on the assignment. IM roommate to ask what he's doing later. IM friend from home, discuss summer plans.

15. Check your email.

16. Create iTunes playlist. Maybe buy a new song or two. You need these to focus, why not spend a little?

17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.

18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

20. Check your email.

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare (or WoW).

23. Check Facebook. Man, they haven't changed the News Feed since, like, half an hour ago.

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check Facebook again.

29. Check your email and listen to your new songs.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that Windows is crashing on schedule. But save! Don't want to lose that header!

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your email.

36. Grumble grumble grumble.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.