As Seen on HOT or NOT - December 13, 2007

"Aim low, kids. Aim so low you can't possibly fail."

Marge Simpson comes to mind with my latest find, the first I've posted in a while.



"...... i'm normal .. i'd like to meet normal people too .."

Guys, I think I might have a chance!

Idiocy (OR: Genius)

So I've been stepping back into the December drama lately, and this year is not much different. But you're not here for serious shit, you came for mildly funny, mostly awkward attempted humor!

Last night, I came up with the following line, which is either entirely retarded or patently genius:

"I'm not your happy ending, but I can be your short story."

I don't think I'll ever drop it.

Random Joys: It's a Shark With A Gun

Be prepared. The image you are about to see will come to you as it came to me: with no context to explain it, and completely unexpected. If you are like me, you will then proceed to roffle till you lamaow for a few minutes. You will calm down, see the image again, and explode with laughter.

Can you handle it?

Can you?

Bam shika bam shika boom boom boom

Some of you who know me on Facebook may have read a note I posted last week in which I posed a game: Name The Opening Line. Basically, I wrote the opening line or lines from a song and my friends guessed the songs. It became a bit of a phenomenon around Facebook through the weekend, and I figured it'd work nicely here. Because you people are awesome.

First off: NO USING GOOGLE YOU BASTARDS.

These songs aren't quite shuffled. Instead, using iTunes and, of course, a paper notebook (I probably use more pencil and paper to blog than any other blogger alive - hell, I drafted this entry in notepad, formatting and all), I thought of songs that I can sing word for word, and even kept my Coldplay, Decemberists and Killers songs to a minimum. Anyway, I can't guarantee you'll know all of them, though I threw a few easy ones in for fun (Heather may even get a chance this time).

Commence.

1. "At first you were a dream but now you're a nightmare"
2. "Two jumps in a week, I bet you think you're pretty clever, don't you boy?"
3. "Who shot that arrow in your throat, who missed the crimson apple?"
4. "Trudging slowly over wet sand"
5. "Dance with me pretty boy tonight"
6. "I'd like to say hello and welcome you, good day that is my name"
7. "Pretty if the sun don't shine"
8. "I said 'who's that girl there?'"
9. "I thought I'd cry for you forever, but I couldn't, so I didn't"
10. "Poor old Johnny Ray"
11. "Any chimp can play human for a day"
12. "I went to a part last night, what sick things I saw"
13. "Gone, there is gold hidden deep in the ground"
14. "Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream"
15. "Far away, this ship has taken me far away"
16. "Where do we go, nobody knows"
17. "Jesus don't cry, you can rely on me honey"
18. "Find yourself a girl and settle down"
19. "The world beat you for the something nice"
20. "There is a house in New Orleans"
21. "Would you stop talking, because I don't think we agree"
22. "Bones are broken and the will is sunk"
23. "Well, we were shootin' at a mountain of dirt"
24. "Slip inside the eye of you mind"
25. "I've been really tryin', baby"
26. "Let it never be said that romance is dead"
27. "I got my head checked by a jumbo jet"
28. "She's out of luck and out of hope and out of cigarettes"
29. "There is a road that meets the road that goes to my house"
30. "Oh let the sun beat down upon my face"
31. "Darling you've got to let me know"
32. "What a drag it is, the shape I'm in"
33. "I'm bringin' back ghosts that are no longer there"
34. "When you first left me, I was wantin' more"
35. "Forgive, sounds good"
36. "Callin' me high on the telephone"
37. "Dear sir or madam can you read my book?"
38. "Are you gonna take me home tonight?"
39. "Please can you stop the noise I'm trying to get some rest"
40. "You don't have a clue what it is like to be next to you"
41. "What will you do when you get lonely?"
42. "They made up their minds, and they started packing"
43. "They're gonna clean up your looks with all the lies and the books"
44. "There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists"
45. "Remember the old, and get down"
46. "Oh no, I see a spider is tangled up with me"
47. "When there is trap set up for you in every corner of this town"
48. "I was just bony hands as cold as a winter pole"
49. "Maybe I don't really wanna know how your garden grows"
50. "If I were young, I'd flee this town"
Bonus: Name the song the title comes from.

And there you have it. I can name any of these songs off the top of my head. I suppose that you might have a harder time, but give it a shot.

Winner gets candy.

Somewhere, the Founding Fathers are cringing. Or laughing their asses off.

This may not be what the Second Amendment entailed, but dammit, we must protect this CP!

Beware Pedobear. Beware.

At play with Google Analytics

Thanks to Heather Funk over at Tango Pirates & Absinthe and Hanna at You Are Not A Beautiful Or Unique Snowflake, I'm now checking you people and how you get here using Google Analytics. Any other bloggers are advised to follow suit - figure out what drives people to your site and all.

And be warned. I stole this idea outright from Heather.

Apparently, the people want Christmas music, and I gives them what they want. Nice to know I'm useful.

So what are people doing here?

Mostly, they aren't. I get a ton of Google searches, as will anyone. What is fun, though, is seeing which terms will yield your page in the results, and trying to figure out why someone would search for it.

"Pics of Ritalin" (1 visit)
"Quaid twins" (I don't think I gave them what they wanted)
"hot and not list 2008"(I guess I make it thanks to a mistyped title)
"crude pics" (I don't know how, I don't know why. Frankly, I don't want to.)
and my favorite, "need ritalin to write paper" (because facebook is too tempting?)

And so all...110 of you (A special thank you to the Ohio Marching Band for your help...even Tracy!), please come back. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, steal the keyboard of the kid next to you if you're in the computer lab right now and hijack their screen here. I even promise to spend a month blogging every day. And if you keep at it, I promise more crude pics.

Heh.

Inspired by ESPN's current front page pic...

there might be a future in lolsports...