Don’t you know that I’ll always be true?

I was driving along Dublin Road when this random nugget popped in my head:

Imagine you're the guitarist for Iron Butterfly. For years, and years, and years, you play that riff from "Inna Gadda Da Vida" for the better part of twenty minutes, night after night. At some point, wouldn't you just be all like, "fuck this, I'm playing somethin' else!"

Then it hit me: if it weren't for that song, you wouldn't be on a stage every night. You'd be at Wendy's, workin' the fryer, trying to understand what the Hispanic dudes are doin'. So you shut the hell up and keep on trippin'.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is rock and roll.

Lauren Caitlin Upton - Miss Teen South Carolina - Maps

"I personally believe that some U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps, and I believe that our education, like South Africa and the Iraq...and I believe that they should...our education over here in the U.S should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future."

Nice save there at the end with a bullshit answer.

By the way, look at the guy holding the mic at the very end. He knows, he absolutely knows how funny this shit is.

Once again, Ray uses crude MS Paint pictures to illustrate small details of everyday life.

I got a much-needed haircut. It's really, really short now. Too short?

I went to my "usual" place, and my favorite...I don't wanna say stylist, `cause that sounds gay, but she's too not-a-man to be a barber...haircutter, Anna. She seemed tired and today's was an admittedly lackluster performance. Oh well, at least I didn't cut it myself.

A basic rendering of the results:



That's probably too dark a shade of brown to accurately illustrate my hair color. Also, my arms are like, twice as long as my arms. What the hell? Alas.

Wherein Ray discovers his Bacon Number

I've finally done it: I've discovered my link to Kevin Bacon, and it is indeed less than six. I finally found my connection through my friend Grace. Not only did she connect me, she connects me in short fashion. I'm gonna have to kiss a lot of bottom to get much closer. Anyway, one's Bacon Number is however many steps one is separated from the Baconater (I coined that before Wendy's, I have the paperwork to prove it.), in terms of movies and other such. So what is mine?

This illustration explains it crudely yet effectively.



In detail:

I (RAY LOCKMAN) know Grace from Western Kentucky.
Grace knows Friend Whose Name I Cannot Remember from high school.
Friend Whose Name I Cannot Remember's house was used by Bon Jovi for their "(You Want to) Make A Memory" video. (previously blogged about out of frustration)
Jon Bon Jovi was in U-571 with Tom Guiry.
Tom Guiry was in Mystic River with KEVIN BACON.

Ta daaaaaaaaa.

8 years before the fact...

Starting around the twenty second mark (or the 1:02 remaining mark if you view it here), listen in. WHERE THE HELL WAS THIS THINKING IN '02?

Why Jeff and Ray Don't Smoke Weed

[Author's Note: This was NOT a story involving me or anyone I know. Like the vast majority of stuff posted on this blog, it is not a purely original idea. Almost everything here is generated by or straight-up stolen. But it was funny enough to repost. As far as you know, I've never touched this stuff.)

The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.

So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.

We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..the logic is all there...
I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off..

So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice.

The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted.

So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red.

I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
He didn't even notice the smell of pot.

We drove home in the most uncomfortable fucking silence ever.

NEW BATMAN PICS.

The title is in all capital letters because I am that fuckin' excited. A handful of pics from The Dark Knight have emerged, and all appears to be well on the technically unnamed film being filmed in Chicago.

Heath Ledger looks magnificently creepy as The Joker, based on this pic from March:



And now a few have popped up today:




By the way, Maggie Gyllenhaal is an underrated hottie. Severely.



More random images:


So it's not the bat tank. Nothing can be as badass as the bat tank.


This is just confusing as fuck.


Michael Caine is incredible.




And for the ladies, the Christian-Bale-is-a-total-hottie shot:



It's out next year. Can't be soon enough

Did you know?

That the tallest woman in the world, Sandy Allen, and the new oldest person in the world, Edna Parker, live in the same Shelbyville, Indiana, retirement home?

I shit you not.

As Seen on HOT or NOT - August 6, 2008

hey there on here looking for friends am shy at first but once i get to know ya and warm up too you then i'm all out going i can be very opionated at times but i just say and speak my mind love doing anything outdoors sounds good holla

I almost felt bad about posting this one until I saw her one keyword: "dinners." I shit you not.

And I could have been eating popcorn

I spent ten minutes watching the cat play with the rod that we use to open and close the front blinds. I thought to myself, "that cat is so easily amused."

Then I thought, "I just spent ten minutes watching the cat play with the blind rod."

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Now playing: The Coral - Remember Me
via FoxyTunes

My Perfect Match (OR: Using HOT or NOT to bring about the end of mankind)

So I've done it.



I found a way to match with myself on HOT or NOT. This could create a theoretical rip in the very stuff of the universe, much as black holes are remnants of God dividing by zero.

That is the price you pay to be a pioneer, I suppose.

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Now playing: Razorlight - America