More Modern American Poetry

Today on Ray Makes Fun of Mainstream Hits:

Shop Boyz, "Party Like A Rockstar"

Let the bashing commence!

as soon as i came out the womb
my momma knew a star was born
now i'm on the golf course
trippin' wit da Osbournes

I swear to god, hip-hop used to mean something. It really was urban poetry, and some artists still uphold that standard. But the Shop Boyz aspire to golf with a family whose patriarch has single-handedly ingested more drugs than the rest of the human population. Nothing screams "street cred" quite like golf. Or the Osbournes. Or golfing wit da Osbournes. Me thinks the double whiteness cancels itself out.

i do it like i do it
cuz you know them hoes be tryin us
hoe don't you know i fuck wit fine dimes
that look like Pa-me-la
they fine and they hot breath
when i'm in the spot bruh......
I PARTY LIKE UH ROCKSTAR

To be totally honest, the sheer...nonsense of this nakes me want to kick a puppy. And I like puppies.

whoop, whoop
me and my band, man
on the yacht with Marilyn Manson
gettin a tan man

You know how I know they're name dropping for the sake of name-dropping? THEY'RE TANNING WITH MARILYN FREAKIN' MANSON.

and my personal favorite line...this might the greatest (i.e. worst) line in the history of hip-hop:

white bitches wanna marry me
they see me they just might panic
my ice make em go down quick
like the Titanic,

The first time I read that line, I chuckled a little. I read it again - and it dawned on me. That's the last rhyme. Not the last line of the song, not the last line on an album or an artist's career - the last line hip-hop can produce. It is perhaps the most ridiculous line I've heard in a song in at least forty-two years or so. The sheer absurdity of it...wow. That said, it shows more creativity than almost any of the songs that have hit #1 in the states. Sad.

To be honest, this is not the worst song of all-time - far from it. But this will still make most "worst-of" lists for the year, and with good reason. All I ask is that the American public puts a decent song at #1, if only for a week. C'mon, maybe The Killers can get some dap? Just one week, that's all!